


Behind the Stars

by EmptySighs



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, XiuHan - Freeform, lumin - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-02
Updated: 2015-07-02
Packaged: 2018-04-07 08:53:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4257189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmptySighs/pseuds/EmptySighs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Memories were not of time, but of another dimension; a dimension where Minseok existed with Luhan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Behind the Stars

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted in The Luminations.

Luhan wiped the table in a circular motion for the n’th time, cleaning off nonexistent dirt. He had just finished changing the bed sheets, which was always the perfect shade of blue that Minseok loved. The picture frames were rearranged, slightly moved from left to right, completely free of dust again.

The long-wilted flowers were replaced by ones as bright as the sun in its peak of the summer season. It was summer after all, a perfect season to enjoy the heat and be soaked with crystalline drops of moisture, but Luhan preferred to stay indoors –to spend time with Minseok.

He rubbed the cloth on the wood one last time before closing the windows and drawing the curtains closed. Cleaning was quite tiring, he thought as he lay in bed and stared at the false luminosities on the ceiling, but as soon as he heard his name and a knock on the door came, the exhaustion in every cell in his body disintegrated completely.

.::.

Luhan stared at the twinkling dots in the pitch black. He knew there were things beyond the luminosities that no naked eye could see, far different from those stars with their finite ends stuck on his bedroom ceiling. Maybe heaven did exist somewhere out there and an entity who sent shooting stars every once in a while granted the wishes of the hopeless and the dreamers –and so he waited.

Weak arms slowly wound themselves around his body and pulled him out of his thoughts. He leaned in to the embrace and let his shoulder be the cradle of his universe. Such proximity and intimacy were bittersweet, constant reminders of how life was ephemeral. The saddest of tears and sweetest of smiles had the intention to fade in the background as the sound of the ever-ticking clock beat nonstop. Moments that will never take place in the same manner twice, all that could be done was watch them go, bleakness and promises aside.

Minseok had always asked him why he would always stare at the stars and wait. Luhan had always had the urge to answer ‘The same thing’, but he knew that such a question was always rhetorical and did not need any answer that both of them already knew. The things he had always wished for were never trivial between them ever since he had first asked the entity above anyone and anything, ever since he was four years less than what his two hands could count with.

“Do you think he ever listened to your wishes?” Minseok asked, nuzzling closer to Luhan’s neck, making the caged man quiver a little under the warm and short caresses lain on his skin.

Luhan smiled and met Minseok’s smooth locks with his fingertips. “You’re still with me, are you not?” There was an aftertaste to his words and he retreated his hand to hold on to the ones on his tummy. “You better stay with me.” His voice betrayed him and tears loomed to fall –he brought himself to swallow the imaginary lump in his throat. “You better stay with me or I’m going to kill you.”

He felt the rumbling of the other’s chest against his back, while soft laughter filled his ears. “I don’t want you to be in jail. They might not feed you there enough.” His cheeks were then subjected to cruel, playful hands. “I don’t want you to lose these.” Luhan kissed him on one of his cheeks, making him flush. Even after all the years that they had known each other, Luhan still knew how to bring the butterflies in his stomach to life. “I love these cheeks so much.”

“Just my cheeks? Okay.” Minseok impishly unwound Luhan’s arms off his body and stomped away from him. “I knew it. You only wanted my cheeks!” he accused, trying to sound serious but failing when his lips quirked upward.

Luhan strode towards where he was standing, but he quickly leapt and avoided the other’s outstretched arms. It turned into a chase with their voices and laughter filling up the walls of the room. They tried to avoid inflicting any injuries on each other as was their custom playing games of cat and mouse in the very same room. When Luhan finally caught him, he spun them around and the chase ended with their bodies on the crumpled white sheets.

Minseok’s breathing was uneven, his chest heaving with pain as the gravity of their tussle took a toll on his body. Alarmed, Luhan immediately asked if Minseok was okay. “It hurts.” His chest hitched –it was choking him, polluting his vision with dusky specks. In poor attempt to put his breaths to normal footing, Minseok shot up and closed his eyes.

There was nothing for Luhan to do other than watch Minseok in discomfort, a thing that Luhan had been seeing for years but chose not to acknowledge. He was successful at distancing himself of its existence for quite some time; but this was reality. Reality did not play games nor sugar-coat moments. Reality gave it to him raw, other factors disregarded. It hit Luhan more than he really could handle; at points, it tore him limb from limb, seeped through his skin down to the core of his bones, and there was nothing Luhan could do but to witness reality suffocating not only Minseok but him too.

“Minseok-ah, should I call papa?” he was about to hit the button beside the bed, but Minseok waved his hand. “But—”

“I’m okay.” Minseok still had his hand clutched to his shirt, the pain subsided but it was still there –prickling his chest like needles. “Your appa had reminded me countless times ‘do not stress your body’” he mocked his doctor’s voice and managed to smile a little. “I’m okay. Just the usual.”

Luhan wanted to smile back and believe the words that had left Minseok’s lips, but he simply couldn’t when he knew all along that beneath the curves was a pit of inevitable agony. He flicked Minseok’s forehead lightly. “I wouldn’t play with you anymore. We’re nineteen, we shouldn’t be playing chase and it’s not good for you.”

“Okay, _eomma_. Okay.” Minseok replied before placing a kiss on his worried lover’s forehead. “Stop worrying. I’m here to stay.”

As always, Luhan committed himself to those six vague words.

 

.::.

It took a whole lot of convincing –more like guilt tripping—for Minseok’s parents to finally give in to one of his wishes; to experience a normal student life. It was true that being home-schooled would be the best for him, no need to go from point A to point B, nor have Physical Education classes; but Minseok was such a hard-headed being.

His feet bounced on the floor as he made his way to a certain room where a great amount of his life’s twists and turns had been unraveled, including that one piece of news that sometimes he wished he had never heard, being too young to realize how restricting life was. He knew the words “heart” and “enlargement”, but not the two words together side by side. He did not know how short twenty years were, because as long as the count exceeded the fingers of both hands, then it must be a fairly long time.

Minseok threw the sliding door open and expected to see Luhan sitting on his usual seat, twirling –he was not disappointed.

“I heard the news from papa.” Luhan greeted without stopping his shenanigans on his favorite chair. “Congratulations. Now you got to see my handsome and manly face almost every day.”

Minseok rolled his eyes at the statement, although it was true that he got to see Luhan every day and he was delighted by that fact. They had been planning for it for as long as both of them could remember, to eat lunch together in a school cafeteria, spend a lazy afternoon in the school library, and pass or maybe fail classes together. “Who said I would be going to the same middle school as you?” He waved his hand as if he was dismissing the thought. “Luhan, please.”

“So, you aren’t?” Luhan stopped twirling his seat and stared at Minseok in disbelief.

“Yeah.” Minseok shrugged and missed the way the other boy’s lips slanted downward.

Luhan was happy that his friend got to breathe in a new environment, but there was this disappointment trying to squeeze itself into his heart. “Okay. Good luck, then.” He reached for a plastic bag and retrieved a sealed cup of bubble tea and stood off from the chair. “I got you blueberry fruit tea. I suddenly remembered that I needed to do something.” Without sparing Minseok another glance, he made his way out of the door.

He was lying when he said ‘okay’. It was not okay –or maybe it was and Luhan was just being selfish about the whole thing. He scratched the back of his head to soothe his irritation. He was almost out of the building when his phone buzzed in his pocket.

Of course, it was Minseok. He wanted to drop the call and let his annoyance reach the other, but on the other hand, he did not want the occasion to waste away. So, he answered and tried to keep his voice as stable as possible. “Yeah?”

“You got the small straw, you’ll have a hard time sucking those tapioca pearls. Come back, let’s switch.” Minseok’s voice on the other line was timid, Luhan heard it and pictured how the other boy on the line was stained with a flush of pink on his chubby cheeks. “Or if you’re too lazy to come back up, tell me where you are. You know I can’t run so… yeah, might take a while.”

“No, just wait for me.” Luhan took the elevator and ran back to Minseok’s room as fast as he could. It took him less time than it usually did. His other hand was already clasped on the doorknob when he noticed the things in his full hand –his bubble tea and the right straw for the tapioca.

A smile spread on his lips, but he tried to hold it back. He threw his disappointment in a box and pushed it into the farthest corner of his brain before twisting the cold, silver knob.

 

Can one die of boredom? Luhan wondered. It wasn’t even a quarter into the school opening ceremony. If only Minseok was beside him to talk him out of his misery or maybe even share it with him, but he decided to go to another school. Luhan had never asked Minseok where he enrolled and the latter did not say anything about the matter either.

He huffed out air and rolled his eyes as he listened to the current speaker, the student council president, without interest. Luhan didn’t care about what was being said. The entrance exam top notcher would give his welcoming speech and that would be the finale. Luhan clapped along as they welcomed the next speaker.

“May we call on stage Mr. Kim Minseok.”

Luhan’s head snapped up to the stage to see if it was indeed Minseok or just another person with the same name. It was <i> _Minseok_ </i>, in the same uniform that Luhan was wearing, making his way up to the stage and to the lectern.

Minseok was searching the sea of people in front of him. He did not feel, not even a tinge of nervousness as he stood in front of the crowd. His eyes roamed the first rows until they met another pair, surprised ones. He smiled at Luhan and turned away to start his speech.

 

“Well, were you surprised?” Minseok asked with his gummy smile as both of them made their way out of the auditorium.

‘Surprised’ would be an understatement. If there was a word for that sucker punch in the heart or that feeling when Luhan never wanted so bad to punch Minseok straight in the face and at the same time enclose his friend in a tight embrace, then that would be it. “Not at all. I already know how you can't live without seeing my face most of the time.”

“Keep dreaming, Luhan.”

 

On most occasions, Minseok gladly listened to all of Luhan’s musings –soccer, bubble tea, stars, everything; but this time Minseok had wished for his senses to disappear. Minseok wished he never had the eyes to see how the curves at the end of Luhan’s lips quirked or the way the boy’s eyes sparkled as a certain name rolled off his tongue. He wished he never had the ears to hear it –but unfortunately, he had a heart complication, but not of sight and hearing.

“The tall one.” Luhan was describing a certain teammate on the soccer team. “The one with the crazy eyebrows. You know him.” Of course, Minseok knew who it was. Who would not know the _Oh Sehun_  –one of the soccer team’s most valuable players, exceptionally eye-catching, and academically gifted. Indeed, his existence was too good to be missed.

Luhan and Minseok’s typical routine changed with an addition to their two-men crew. Minseok’s lunches were spent with Luhan and Sehun sitting side by side along a table that Luhan and Minseok once called their ‘usual spot’.

Minseok was used to waiting for Luhan during the latter’s soccer practice, but he never complained because he knew that as long as they got to walk home together, then everything was fine. He never wanted to be selfish, he never asked for Luhan’s time in spite of the years that they had been friends. He had settled with what he got –and what he got was more than the half of the everyday clock.

He watched the orange and pink hues of the horizon get sucked up by the impending darkness. The game was almost done, he thought. The coach gave last minute orders to the team, before he finally called it a day. Usually, Luhan would run up to the benches --to Minseok—and apologize for keeping the other waiting. Minseok would say that it was okay and that an apology was not necessary.

But not today.

“I was wondering if you wanted to join us for bubble tea.” Luhan asked as soon as he reached the spot where Minseok was.

Minseok felt his chest constricting. Was it the way Luhan’s cheeks were tainted a beautiful shade of pink? Was it the way Luhan’s eyelashes fluttered downward? Or was it because of Luhan’s teammate staring at him in the most delicate way?

“I wasn’t aware you had plans.” Had Minseok known, he wouldn’t have waited. He kept his disappointments at bay and plastered a smile on his face –as crooked as the way his heart pounded in its cage.

“Sehun here was being spontaneous,” Luhan said in apology, throwing a glance at the taller male behind him.

Luhan was always a free bird, one that Minseok had no right to keep nor cage; and Minseok was against chains. Luhan could go out and be friends with anyone he wanted to. “No. Just go with Sehun. I needed to be in the hospital anyway.” Not every quirk in Luhan’s lips and not every sparkle in Luhan’s eyes had to be about Minseok.

Minseok was not Luhan’s sun, as Minseok had initially (and quite fondly) thought.

 

Minseok fixed his dress shirt, ignoring the fact that he missed to properly match a button to its particular hole, while listening to what his doctor had to say about his check up for today. He shouldn’t do this, he shouldn’t do that. Avoid eating this, avoid eating that. More of this, more of that. Just like most of his regular check ups.

“Remember that kid around your age with the same condition? The one you and Luhan used to play with? Minah?” Mr. Lu asked before lifting his gaze off his clipboard. “She had an attack the other day. The worst she ever had.”

“No possible donor yet?” Minseok kept his voice composed despite the sudden discomfort in his stomach.

The old man smiled, making the ends of his eyes crinkle, and shook his head. He ruffled Minseok’s hair and sighed. “Look at you. I can still remember meeting you for the first time back when you were eight.” Being Luhan’s doctor for eight years made Mr. Lu accept Luhan as a second son; and a parent would always do his hardest to save his child. “Why don’t you go see Minah?”

 

Minseok had thought of his end countless of times –before he went to bed, the moment he opened his eyes, over breakfast through dinner – although, he was never afraid for himself.

He was afraid for the people he loved. He hoped for his parents to never hear certain words. Words like, 'He’s dead'. He had seen his mother cry countless times; his father was never one for words, but he knew, he saw his father became as fragile as his own heart. He did not want Luhan to hear those same words he feared.

‘He’s dead’.

The words were alien to him – even when he had heard it from family members, friends, doctors, nurses, and strangers. They had never fit into his ears, but they were like a jackhammer pounding into his skull again and again until finally drilling a hole –letting the words slip through into his brain and tear him apart.

He wanted to spare those he loved.

 

“Would you kiss me then? At least I had one… before I go...” Minah asked with her lips curled into a hollow smile.

Minseok could do nothing but smile back at the frail being –clad up in thin sheets of hopelessness. They were all given the privilege to believe that help would come; a promise of many tomorrows without the needles in their chests.

And so he kissed her. It made him sick that he did it out of pity; but even worse that a simple peck from his atrophic lips could not make up for the millions that she should have gotten. It was Minseok’s first kiss, which he had never thought he had been saving for anybody until he had finally given it to someone.

“Thank you.”

They had never seen each other again after that because when Minseok went to her room the following day, it did not have <i> _her_ </i>bed anymore. With a first and last kiss, Minah turned to someone that he only used to know.

 

It was past midnight.

Minseok stared at the plastic stars on his ceiling, a thing that he had been doing quite often recently. Being home was nice –there was no scent of antiseptics that lingered under his nose or the beeping noises of machines and definitely, no deaths.

Sleep was about to consume him when a buzzing sound from his bedside table filled the room. He knew only one person who would call at an ungodly hour. The knowledge of knowing who it was pinched a part of his heart. Of course, his failure of a heart would always tell him to answer, to ask what the matter was; but he had made a truce with his mind.

He dropped the call and turned his phone off.

 

“You didn’t answer my call last night.” Knitted brows and pouted lips greeted Minseok. He resumed walking, keeping his gaze on anything but the boy walking next to him. “You also didn’t join Sehun and me for lunch this week. Is something wrong?”

_Yes. There is something wrong. I’m sick, that is what’s wrong. Hating on people who can do the things that I cannot do –like staying by your side through the stretch of time --_ _is_ _just plain wrong._

“You don’t even wait for my practices to finish anymore.” Luhan tugged on his arm when he did not answer. “Minseok, what— ”

“There is nothing wrong! I don’t remember signing up to an everyday lunch with you and Sehun!” Minseok did not even recognize how loud his voice was until Luhan’s bottom lip started wobbling – eyes damped with tears.

Before he could even take back his words or reach out for his friend, Luhan burst into tears and turned his back.

It was for the better, Minseok tried to convince himself. _It is what’s best for you, Luhan._

 

Luhan was disappointed to hear no footsteps trailing after him. He did not even run because if Minseok was to follow him, running would not be a very wise option. It was the first time his friend spoke to him like that. He felt that, maybe, he shouldn’t have pried.

He kept on walking, letting his feet lead their way to ‘I-don’t-fucking-know-where-to-go-but-I’ll-keep-walking-anyway’.

He had been walking aimlessly for about half an hour when he suddenly remembered that he had left his things in the classroom. Texting Sehun to just get it for him and keep his things safe shouldn't be a problem, but when he fished out his phone –the device was already out of batteries.

“Great. Can this day get any better?” he looked at his surroundings and found out that he wasn't that  _far_  from where the school was, but nonetheless he had walked quite far. A humble coffee shop across the street caught his attention.

 

“May I get your name, sir?” The lady behind the counter asked.

“Han. To-go. Please. Thank you.”

 

He thought of consuming his drink in the park nearby, a good 5-minute walk away. He nodded at the thought and got his coffee right after his name was called. He felt like shit. Who would not feel like shit after being shunned away, anyway.

Crying after being shouted at was not the most manly thing to do, but it was Minseok who shouted at him. Minseok who was always careful with his words. His friend who never raised his voice to anyone. But Luhan felt bad for not noticing, or maybe he was too occupied pretending that everything was okay.

He kept his head low and clutched the warm drink in his hand; but apparently, a pair of navy blue sneakers were blocking the cafe doors. Ragged breathing filled his ears.

“Luhan.” He was pulled into weak arms and he tried the best he could to get the hot cup out of the way, managing to spill some of its contents anyway. “I-I’m sorry.”

Luhan can feel the butterflies in his stomach in a turmoil, climbing up his chest, seeking liberty. The coffee cup was left forgotten as soon as it met the ground, making a mess on the sidewalk, but both of them paid it zero attention.

“I found you. Finally.” His arms naturally found themselves wound around Minseok’s shaking body.

“My god, Minseok. What the fuck.” He pushed Minseok slightly to get a look of his face. Minseok was pale, with sweat filming his face and Luhan knew. “You ran?! What do you think you’re doing? Are you stupid?! Do you want to die already?! Wha--”

“IloveyouandI’msorryforbeinganass.Doyoufeelthesameway?Pleasesayyoudo.” Minseok took a deep breath and he knew he wasn’t going to last long. There were needles pinning his chest, his vision was slowly getting darker.

 

The sounds of the machines rang in Luhan’s ears in the loudest way it ever did. The dark circles under his eyes showed how much sleep he had not been getting. He stayed by the bedside, leaving only when his dad had convinced him enough that everything is going to be okay or when he needed to be in school.

He waited patiently. Most of the time he only stared at Minseok, marveling at how perfect the latter looked, such a serene sight it was. At other times, he witnessed how Minseok’s eyebrows scrunched and how he would run his slender finger in between them to soothe the creases, letting his presence be felt. He was not sure if Minseok was aware that he was there, but he liked to believe the possibility because Minseok’s forehead would relax and made it seem that he had fallen into tranquility again.

It had been four days.

“Papa, I thought you said he’s going to wake up soon?” Luhan asked, keeping his focus on the math problem sets that he was solving. “He’s been missing too much.”

“He should wake up anytime soon.” His father tapped his shoulders and patted his head. “Don’t worry too much. You’re starting to have white hair.”

Preparing a rebuttal, he stopped writing and looked up to see his father all smiles and crinkly. “Well from whom did I—”

“But you do have white hairs.”

“Shut up, Min—” Luhan’s head snapped towards Minseok’s direction. “Holy shit, you are awake!”

“Uh. Does it look like I’m sleep talking here?” Minseok rolled his eyes and nodded at Mr. Lu’s direction. The doctor waved and tapped his son’s shoulder again.

“Language.”

“Wait, aren’t you supposed to check up on him?” he called to his father as the old man exited the white door. “Papa!” he was about to trail after his father but Minseok clung to his wrist.

“He already did.”

“What do you mean he already did? I was here as soon as school ended today and – ” and it dawned on him. “Oh. You woke up earlier?”

Minseok bobbed his head and picked up the problem sets off his bed. “Your number seven is wrong, it’s a parabola opening to the left and not downwards.” He lowered the papers only to see Luhan inanimate, staring at the white sheets. He heard stifled crying.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m awake now.” He reached out for Luhan’s hand, detangling the pen gripped tightly amongst slender fingers.

Luhan planted his face on his free hand, eyes away from Minseok. “You scared me, you know. You can’t just tell me that you are in love with me and then pass out in front of me before even hearing what I had to say!” he felt the hold on his hand tighten. “What if you never wake up? And you could have just called me when I got home or something! You didn’t have to run after me.”

“I was just afraid that you might get too far away.” _Too far_ _away from me, that I might not have been able to catch with you if I hadn’t run._

Luhan had missed the sound of Minseok’s voice. It calmed him down on occasions when he shouldn’t be the one panicking. He had missed this. “You don’t have to… because I will always slow down to match your pace…” _I will always let you catch me._

“That does not answer my question from the last time we talked.” Minseok tugged on Luhan’s hand, asking for attention. “Is the wall more interesting than me now?” he tugged again. “We haven’t seen each other for four days.”

“Apparently, the wall and I have been getting to know each other for four days now.” He met Minseok’s eyes. “I love you too.” The long awaited words rolled off his tongue perfectly, all the years of practicing it in front of the mirror, when Minseok was asleep, or on occasions that he had said them under his breath might had actually paid off.

“Sorry, I didn't quite catch that.” He could see the gummy smile painted on Minseok’s lips, the twinkle in his eyes, and the slight tint of pink.  
  
“I love you, Kim Minseok.” Luhan repeated without faltering; and at that moment, nothing mattered but their hearts beating at the same rate as that of the calm ticking clock.

 

“You still haven’t talked about why you didn’t answer my calls and stopped having lunch with me.” Luhan wiped the sugar off Minseok’s cheek and fixed the scarf loosely put on.

Minseok hushed him and pointed at the stars. “Let’s just wait for a shooting star.”

Luhan pouted and stayed silent, adjusting his own scarf while looking at the twinkling dots in the horizon. It was too cold to be staying in the hospital’s rooftop, but Minseok insisted that they should have a mini picnic and stargazing. “Why are you waiting for a shooting star anyway? Have you been wanting something lately?”

The questioned boy munched on the sour gummy candy. “Ah~” He fed Luhan their favorite flavor. “Yes and it is something you already know.”

They had been waiting for about half an hour, but the shooting stars were still in hiding.

 

They sat across each other –knees bumping-- on Minseok’s bed, his home bed not hishospital bed, of course. They stayed like that in silence. Luhan’s fingers played aimlessly with the hem of Minseok’s shirt.

Minseok was the first one to move, leaning in to press their lips together. He felt Luhan let out a nervous chuckle through the kiss, but the latter gave in nonetheless –melting, holding onto Minseok’s bare legs and back up the navy shirt.

His back soon met the cushion, Luhan’s weight pinning him down. A soft sound escaped his lips as soon as butterfly-kisses caressed his neck. He tilted his head to the right and allowed more access. Luhan brought their lips back together and started moving his hips.

Minseok’s muffled moans got lost along the depth of their kiss. Sloppy sounds filling their desires to know each other more.

His hands snaked beneath the white shirt. He loved it when the other’s breathing hitched when the already sensitive part of his body was traced. Luhan pulled away and looked into his eyes.

“Let me take care of everything, okay?” Luhan’s eyes were dark and filled with desire, but his gaze remained soft and careful. “Just let me.” He put his hands against Minseok’s chest and pulled himself up.

Watching Luhan take off his shirt in a painfully slow manner made Minseok’s heart more erratic. The sight of Luhan’s chest flushed in pink with just his boxers took the breath away from Minseok. He wished he could commit every single detail to memory. He never knew the boy hovering him could be so beautiful.

They had done quite a number of lingering touches, eager kisses, and things that similar to what they were currently sharing; but they never made it to the real thing, for Minseok's heart would always come between them. His short breaths would always kill what they had started. It would always end up with Minseok being apologetic and Luhan being all understanding.

Luhan leaned in and aligned their lips once more, then kissed a part of his cheek and at the base of his right ear. “I want to try.” It came off a whisper. He knew he sounded desperate. His head rested on the crook of Minseok's neck. This was selfish, he knew. He was only thinking of his desires to be closer with the boy he loves. He wanted them to be one, at least for once even before things could go with how time had planned.

A hand ran over his naked back, tracing his back bone and lingering on the skin just before the band of his underwear. “I'm so--”

“Just stop saying sorry.” He was tired of it. It was so petty of him to expect more knowing that they could not.

“You just make my heart bat shit crazy when you're like this.” That was the truth. The physical act didn't tire Minseok, but the way Luhan blushed, the sound of his name rolling off his tongue with such need, and how extremely beautiful Luhan was, did. His heart would always pound in its cage and make breathing exceptionally hard for Minseok. “Of course, I want it, too. I want you.”

Luhan reached out for something from the bedside table. The tube had been there, never been used. He placed the lube on Minseok's hand and kept it there. He did not say a word and let Minseok prove his words on how both of them like to make this work.

Just when Luhan's patience was about to fray, Minseok had rolled off the bed, inverting their positions. Their foreheads touched, eyes looking at each other –this time, with no sense of urgency. Luhan closed his eyes when he felt the band of his boxers being tugged, he lifted his hips to help in ridding off the article of clothing.

This time, Luhan didn't worry about Minseok's heart, but his own. It was pounding frantically that he could literally hear the beating in his chest, which only confirmed what was really happening. His eyes flew open in panic when both hands left his skin. He saw Minseok pouring the translucent substance onto his hand.

Minseok leaned in on him again, kissing his nervousness aside. He gasped at the cold sensation as a finger thrust in and out of him. Soon enough, another finger was added. He couldn’t help but twitch at the sensation.

Luhan arched his back when Minseok crooked his fingers a bit. As much as how Luhan wanted to make things faster, he knew that Minseok had to take his own pace. He held on to Minseok's bicep in a silent plea.

They mapped out each other’s body --retracing the parts they already know and seeking familiarity to the ones they had recently discovered.

Luhan ended up on top of Minseok as they waited for their high to calm down, still connected in regions that unify them not only in flesh, but with the entirety of their beings. Nobody said a word, they laid their in silence, happy and contented.

.::.

Both of them stood in the middle of the hospital’s open area. The sun kissed their skin but not enough to make them run back inside the sterile building.

“You know I can’t run!” Minseok said as his stubby hands fiddled with the nylon string.

Luhan looked at him with a toothy smile and nodded. “I know.” He fixed a part of the kite’s skeleton. “Hold this,” he exchanged the multicolored kite for the end of the string. “When I told you to let it go, let it go. Okay?”

Minseok bobbed his head more than what necessarily requires. “You count.” he held the toy against his chest like his life depended on it.

Luhan backed a few steps away. “Okay. One. Two. Three!” He shrieked and ran while Minseok simultaneously let the kite go and watch it ascend.

His lips formed an ‘O’ in amusement as the kite kept soaring. “Luhan! I want to try!” the boy tugging the nylon ran back to him but managed to string his legs together and fell on the ground. The nylon string became tangled and made the kite came crashing next to Luhan.

Minseok tried not to run towards his friend to see if he was okay. He crouched next to the boy who still had his face planted on the grass. “Lulu?” he poked Luhan’s cheek and heard a grumble. “Luhan?”

“I have an idea!” Luhan quickly got off his feet and shoved the kite towards Minseok. “Wait here.”

“B-but I want to make it fly, too!”

“That’s why you have to wait for me. I’ll be back.”

Minseok watched Luhan ran towards the building and came back pushing a wheelchair like it was some sort of a cart with one of the nurses trailing behind him.

“Noona, hold it for a while, please?” Luhan handed the nurse the kite and pushed Minseok to sit on the chair in reverse. “I’ll count to three then let it go. please? I’m going to push Minseok’s chair so that the kite could fly.” He handed Minseok the string. “Try not to fall or papa is going to scold us.”  
  
One. Two. Three.

 

Luhan thought that man must have reached the threshold of something beautiful and tried reaching for it but failed to grasp it with their fingers countless times. They had failed on innumerable occasions that they had a name for it. 'Almost'.

Minseok was beautiful, what they had was beautiful –Luhan attempted to grab it, to have it in his hands and keep it safe forever, but he had fallen short thousands –even millions—of times.

Maybe they were nothing but an 'almost', a beautiful occurrence not meant to reach its full potential in this dimension. Luhan had long accepted the existence of transience; but in memories, he wanted to believe they were nowhere near almost but a 'definitely'.

 

“Lulu?” Minseok waved his small stubby hands in front of the petite kid staring at the stars from one of the windows of his sterile environment. A pout appeared on his lips as the busy kid did not spare him a glance. He kept on chanting Luhan’s name while poking the other kid on his cheek lightly.

Slightly annoyed by his actions, Luhan hushed him with a hand shoved to his face lightly. “I’m waiting for a shooting star.”

“Shooting star?” Minseok’s orbs widened in curiosity. He scrambled to fit himself beside Luhan, close enough as if they were about to share a secret. “What are you going to do with a shooting star, Lu?”

“Mama told me that they can grant wishes,” Luhan answered in an accented but completely acceptable Korean. He looked at Minseok and imitated a star passing through the sky in a flash. “They are really fast, but mama told me that if you are ever lucky to see one, you can wish upon it.”

“Minseok could wish too?” Luhan beamed at him fully, flashing a set of teeth that was missing a couple in front, and nodded.

He screeched, the buns that were his cheeks filling up in the limelight. “I want to be a doctor someday, just like your appa. I want to help kids like me. Do you think the shooting star could grant that?”

Every single thing seemed light in the early stages of life. They had watched enough cartoons that made everything seems possible. But Luhan did not know the weight of words, especially when they left his lips as assurances. “Yes, of course.”

“Then I would like to be with Lulu every day, so we can play. I wish I don’t get tired too quickly. I hope the shooting star could grant that too.”

Luhan held Minseok’s hand and laced their fingers together. He nodded and told the other to just wait for the almighty god of stars to send one of his gofers.

And so they waited.

He immediately threw Minseok’s hand off his own when a streak of white light passed before their eyes. He clasped his own hands together and squeezed his eyes shut. “Dear shooting star, please don’t take away Baozi. Dear shooting star, please don’t let Baozi hurt anymore. Dear shooting star, don’t let my only friend be taken away. Please don’t let them hurt Baozi more. Please let papa heal Baozi— ” he began shaking with the tremor of his dread.

Minseok felt panicked. He tried to calm his friend down by saying that he was going to be fine and there was no need to cry. He kept tugging Luhan’s arms in a poor attempt at pulling him out of his apprehension. Without much thinking, he threw his arms around the crying boy and kissed his damp cheek.

Luhan slowly calmed down and completely stopped shaking after a couple of minutes. He wiped off his tears and snot with the back of his hand before smearing them on Minseok’s hospital gown, which earned him a playful slap on his own leg –and a smile.

“I will not go anywhere. I don’t want you to be all alone since I am the only friend you have. Don’t worry too much, Luhan. You look ugly when you cry.” Minseok patted the puffy-eyed boy teasingly.

“Who says you’re the only friend I have? I have other friends, they are in China!” Luhan boastfully said with his eyebrows raised and his lips puckered. “I think, you’re the one who doesn’t have any friends.”

“Maybe. So, be my friend forever.” They both leaned in to let the side of their heads touch. “I don’t want to play alone.”

“Of course, Baozi. I’ll be your friend forever,” Luhan chimed along with the fluttering of his heart. He held out his pinky for the other to take. “Now, that’s a pinky promise. We can’t break it.”

And in Memories, nothing was broken. In memories, Minseok stayed.

 


End file.
